Love. Future. Marriage.

"#ToMyFutureHusband,

I promise to always be crazy about you, no matter what. You're perfect to me, but most of all, you're perfect for me."  

This is a little piece of one of my many #ToMyFutureHusband letters.. Warning: for those of you who don't like mushy, sappy blogs, I apologize because I'm positive that that's how this one will be. I can't help it. I just love love y'all. :) So, keep reading to learn more about love. 

So, as y'all can tell, I write letters to my future husband. Sometimes they're love letters, sometimes they are almost like journal entries that tell about my life & what I'm going through. This may sound crazy, but writing the letters seriously make me feel better. When I'm feeling sad? Write a letter. When I'm feeling lonely? Write a letter. When I'm feeling happy? Write a letter. Of course I lean on God first, & of course I pray, but this is just something that is almost stress relieving to me. I can't imagine the day that I can actually talk to my future husband instead of just writing letters that he will have in the future, & how amazing that will be.

But, now that I've explained that to y'all, let's continue on. :) 

So, I remember when I first began to think about my future husband. I was in the 7th grade, & going to youth group alot. We had a series all about our future spouses. We talked about purity (which led me to get a purity ring as a reminder of the promise I made to myself, God, & my future husband), and we also talked about love. Ever since, I've loved love. I love learning about the bible's definition of love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 talks about this.

"Love suffers long  and  is  kind; love  does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely,  does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but  rejoices in the truth;  bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

This is the bible's definition of love, and the only kind of love that I want. Basically, it tells you all the things that love is. I'm going to break those down and talk about them specifically, here. :)

1. Love suffers long and is kind.

Basically, love is not something short. Love is infinite. Love lasts forever. Love is kind, which means that love does not try to hurt you, but rather heal you.

2. Love does not envy.

True love is not jealous. If you are very successful in something, your spouse should not be jealous, but rather rejoice with you, and keep encouraging you, and vice versa.

3. Love does not parade itself; it is not puffed up.

Love doesn't need to constantly be "ME ME ME!" It's the opposite actually. Love is a WE. Spouses do not need to make everything about themselves, but rather try their best to make their husband or wife happy.

4. Love does not behave rudely, and love does not seek its own.

Love shouldn't be rude, it should be kind. Respect your spouse, make them feel wanted, and give more than you take. Love also does not seek its own. This goes back to number 3. Real love should try their best to make their "better half" happy. :) Don't worry about yourself, think of your husband/wife!

5. Love is not provoked, it does not seek evil.

Love shouldn't provoke you. Your boyfriend or girlfriend right now (or in the future) should protect your purity, not provoke it. If they really want what's best for you, they will respect your boundaries and think of what is best for your future. There's something I heard one day that really spoke volumes on that subject. My previous youth pastor, speaking to a group of teenagers with raging hormones, said "That girl you're holding hands with? Are you planning on marrying her? That guy you kissed goodbye? Are you planning on marrying him? Well, you're putting your hands on someone else's spouse. Treat your boyfriend or girlfriend like you want your future spouse to be treated." That spoke volumes to me. Obviously, this doesn't mean that you need to become a nun, (unless you want to of course) but it does mean that you need to think. Also, love does not seek evil. If your love isn't seeking God, it's probably seeking evil.

6.Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but  rejoices in the truth.

Love does NOT hide in darkness. Love does not promote lying, cheating, or stealing. True love promotes Goodness, and all of the things that are good and pure. Love rejoices when the truth prevails. Hopefully you and your spouse will celebrate when something is done out of truth. :)

7. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. 

Love is not selective. Love does not say "well I like this about you, but not that. Change it." No, love bears ALL things. Your spouse should encourage you, push you, and believe in your dreams. Hence, Love believes all things. Where there is love, there is hope. Hope for your life together, hope for today, and hope for the future. Love hopes all things. Love endures all things. When you say your vows, you say "Through sickness and in health, for better or for worse.." and all that jazz. That's exactly what enduring all things mean. Enduring life, together. 

And finally, love never fails. Love NEVER fails. Isn't that amazing? True love was founded on the same principles as God's love, although we humans tend to mess it up a lot. But, isn't that awesome? The bible calls for men to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That's a pretty big love. 

So, can you imagine me, that little 7th grader who had never even had a boyfriend, dreaming about love? I honestly can't wait to be in love and get married, although I will most definitely wait. I not only want God's perfect timing, but I want God to mold me into the woman I need to be. The more I think about it the more it makes me want to be a better person. I want to be the best wife I possibly can. But, anyways, ever since then, I've been writing letters to my husband. So, that's almost 3 years of letters that I have. Of course I don't write them every day, or on a regular basis per say, but still. Those letters are one gift that I will give to my husband on our wedding day, and I encourage any of y'all to do the same if y'all so desire. :) I also really encourage guys to do this for their future wife! :)

But, when I realized just how important my future spouse really is, I promised myself a few things. I promised to stay pure, I promised to grow into the woman of God that I know I can become (not only for me but also for my future husband), and that I would take dating seriously. I've never been that girl that all the guys liked, but I consider that a blessing, no matter how different that makes me feel sometimes. I have only had one boyfriend, where most girls my age have had at least 10. I have never comprised myself, and I don't plan to. I promised myself that I would wait as long as it takes. And I mean that. Yes, being single does suck a lot of the time, but in the long run, it will allllllll be worth it. When I'm looking in my husband's eyes on our wedding day I will be able to say that I saved my heart for him. My whole heart. And that... That's worth it all. 

Now, for all of you reading this thinking "well that's nice and all, but what if there's noone out there for me?" I can promise you there is. God doesn't put someone on this earth and not give them a partner. He created someone specifically for you, and y'all are going to be soooo incredibly happy serving God together! I once heard that God will do anything to have you meet "the one." He will take you across the globe if he has to! My pastor met his wife over seas. They both lived in the US, just in different states, but they didn't meet here. They met over in another country while doing mission work. He encouraged us in the fact that nothing is impossible with God. You will meet the one. You just have to be patient and wait. 

Also, girls (and some guys too!), don't compare your love story to anyone else's, whether that be your friend's, your parent's or someone in a movie. Not each love story is the same, and not every person finds love at the same time. Some people meet their spouses when they're 8, and some people meet their spouses when they're 20 or older! God has a plan, just trust it. Don't compare your love story though, because God isn't done with you yet. :) 

So, for those of you still reading, I hope you have a blessed night, and that this encouraged you! You are amazing, and God isn't through with you yet! 

- Love always, @InfiniteFaith7

Insecurity.

Insecurity. It's a problem that I know I face everyday. It's crazy that something so small can trigger it also. I can be fine all day until says something to me. It could be as simple as "you're not looking too good today." or "why are you so weird?" And it will change my mood completely. I'm going to be brutally honest with y'all in this blog post, okay? I want y'all to feel comfortable being honest with me, & that street goes both ways so yeah. I just feel like maybe if Im honest, it'll help someone out there who feels the same way I do. 

I am horribly insecure. Half of the time I feel like I don't like myself, and I know I shouldn't feel like that, but I do. I get upset at myself because I'm not as pretty as the other girls, or I'm not as popular as them, or I don't have as many friends as them, or because no guys like me like they like them. Usually, I feel so abnormal. And I hate that. I hate feeling like an outsider, and I hate feeling insecure, but it just happens. I'm not the girl all the guys like. I'm not the girl with fifty friends. I'm not the girl that has people fall at their feet. I'm not the girl that gets everything she wants. I'm not the cute girl that guys go crazy over. I'm not even the girl that has a bunch of real friends.

But, I'll tell you the girl that I am. I am the awkward girl that laughs at stupid jokes. I'm the girl that has my few true Bestfriends and has the craziest times with all of them. I'm the girl that is 15 and has only had one boyfriend in my entire life. Seriously, only one. I am the girl that loves Jesus with all her heart, and would do anything to show the world that. I am the girl that would do anything to help a friend. I am the girl with problems, but I'm working through them, glory to God! I am the girl that will always yearn for God. I am the girl that shouldn't be complaining for the things I don't have, but for the blessings that I do have! 

A thought dawned on me one morning when I was getting ready. I am soooooo blessed. I have God (um hello that should be blessing enough in my book) an amazing mother, the sweetest nephew (who has my heart because hes so stinking cute), some of the best Bestfriends, my health, and a home. I may not have everything by the worlds standards, but by my standards, I have all I need.  Things could be sooooo much worse, and I thank God that they aren't! I know that I need to work on my insecurities, and I'm trying everyday. It's a battle, just like everything else. But, while I'm going through all of this, I can't help but sit back and praise God for alllllll of my blessings! I deserve nothing, but He gives me everything! 

Basically, if you're the same way I am, I just wanna encourage you. You are beautiful. And I know that seems like a cliche, but it's true. You are SO beautiful. I mean come on! The CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE MADE YOU! God doesn't make mistakes. You are not a mistake. You are perfect. Don't change, and don't hate yourself. Instead, learn to love your insecurities, and soon enough they will fade. You are so strong, and so incredibly amazing, love. You are going to make a man of God so happy one day! :) 

And for all the guys out there dealing with insecurities, you are so awesome. Literally, you're amazing. You may not feel it all the time, but you are. You may not be the guy that every girl wants, or the jock with a hundred friends, but you are so incredibly awesome. God loves you, and theres a reason that you arent like them. In my book, you're just as good as they are. If you're reading this, you obviously aren't afraid to rep God so you're the one with confidence. Don't forget that! You're so amazing in your own ways, and you're going to make a woman of God very happy some day! :)

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

-Romans 12:2 

Just as the scripture says, do not conform to the world. The world may say you are weird or don't belong or that you're not good enough, but that is a lie. Well, not the part about not belonging. We DON'T belong HERE, we belong in HEAVEN! Heaven is our forever home, so of course we aren't going to fit in here! You can compare here to someone else's home. While staying at someone else's home you feel out of place, right? Same with the world. And when you come back to your house, you just feel at home? Well, that's how Heaven is going to be. It'll be like coming home from a long journey and finally feeling completely at peace and at home. So, we don't belong here. But, we were put here for a purpose, and until that purpose is completed and we are called home, we are to live here and tell as many people about their true home as we can. But going back to people calling you weird or not good enough, thats a lie. You are PERFECT in God's eyes, and let me tell you, there could never be a more beautiful you (yes, I do love that song btw). But really, you're so awesome. Don't ever change for anyone. God is the only one who you should look to for approval, and I'm preaching to myself with this whole blog y'all. Basically, God doesn't make mistakes. You are amazing, despite your insecurities. The number on the scale does not define you. The number of friends you have does not define you. Your family situation does not define you. Your hurt does not define you. The only thing that defines you is the precious blood of Jesus that was poured out on the cross for your sins. And that tells me that you are priceless. 

Keep your heads up princesses and princes. You are the beautiful ones, society is the one that is ugly. Stay strong lovelies! I heart yall!

- love always, @InfiniteFaith7